It's 1 a.m.
Time for me to write something meaningless.
And actually, here comes what I do every day. It's like a habit to me. And it really helps sometimes.
I just wanna thank you. Thank you Anni and Mirjam. Thank you for being in my life. You're awesome. I love you. I just don't know enough good words for you.
I wanna thank everybody, who cares. I love you. I really do. I wanna thank my mother because she has to live with someone like ME. I don't know how she survived. I wanna thank my father, because he is the best daddy in the world. I wanna thank my brother and my sister, because without them my life wouldn't be that 'noisy'. I wanna thank my classmates. The old ones, because they were the ones who showed me what it really means to be loved by your class. And the new ones, because they showed me that you can NEVER judge people by your first impression. I hated them. I hated them so much. Because they made me cry. I was nobody back there. And now. I just can't even imagine life without these beautiful people. I love them so much. They make me happy, and I should be very thankful.
EVERYTHING I have. I should be thankful. I have food, I have home, I have friends, I have pets, I have everything. I need to be happy.
And what am I doing? Just complaining about random things.
Like I already said. Most of the time I'm making my own life complicated. That's what humans do.
And complaining about everything we DON'T have, and not being happy for what we HAVE is that kind of thing too. That's just what humans do. We are jerks.
You know that saying, that when you wan't to see the world change you have to change yourself first?
Well, that's what I'm doing now. I'm being sincerely thankful for everything I have. And I'm really trying to be happy, even if I don't have many things what I want, even if some times it feel's like I've got nothing left in this world, even if I've shoulnd't be here because I'm not good for anything, even if nobody needs me, even if it seems that I have that much bullshit on my shoulders that I'm going to collapse.
I don't give up. And I don't know why. I just don't give up. I'm tired of giving up. I'm tired of being unhappy. I'm tired of complaining. I'm tired of everything being so difficult. I'm just tired.
And I'm going to sleep.

I really miss you. I REALLY MISS YOU GUYS.

Random moaning

Today I feel the need to just blabber about pointless stuff. (Because pointless is my middle name, yeaaah!) No, but I really have nothing important to say. Just stuff I've thought and felt the last week or so. Also, I haven't posted something on here in a while that's just a big long wall of text. :)



I was torn between watching Sherlock BBC and Harry Potter (Half-Blood Prince) on TV today. I've never seen the sixth HP movie. I've seen Sherlock Holmes BBC at least 3 times now. In the end Sherlock won. I feel bad that I didn't get to see the HP movie, because well... I haven't seen it yet. Not too bad, though, because seeing Irene Adler, Sherlock and John Watson in a love triangle on screen just made me so giddy. Those feels man! I mean like; damn!

I was watching Hercule Poirot a few days ago. It's a bit nostalgic. But at the same time, it felt awesome. Poirot is not that nauseatingly addicting like Sherlock BBC, but it has it's own classy and jazzy sort of feel that just pushes my buttons in all the right ways. But I had to be a fucking retard those few days ago and went on the internet after I finished Poirot. I am not sure if I want to actually start drinking to forget what I found that night, or to go and find some more of those.... things...

I am a fucked up individual and I am sorry for existing in your lives.

But I digress; I was also playing Phoenix Wright (Trials and Tribulations) today. Nostalgia-slap go! I mean, I think I found out about that game in 2009, I think. And my Lord did it bring back memories! It's a seriously nice game - recommended. If you like detective stories, then it's a nice play. A bit surreal at times, but nice nonetheless.

Homestuck brings forth all the feels in me, man. It's heavy on the eyes what with the walls and walls of text, but reading the important bits and pieces helps. And then I just skip pages and pages and just stare at the pictures and sometimes read only one or two words in a conversation. But this comic - it's a goddamn miracle is what it is. It's so... humane in some ways. Kind of reminds me of Sherlock in a way as that series has a tendency of being so fucking humane that it's almost inhumane.



I have a hard time understanding other people. It's fucking confusing is what it is. I uhh... I don't do feelings that well, but I don't mean to upset anyone. So if I do, know that I don't actually mean to.

I sometimes just opt to watch other people fuck about. It's easier than getting involved in their shit. But sometimes they involve you anyway. Or you involve yourself - whichever comes first. And I hate it. I hate the feeling of helplessness when I eventually get up to date on their shit. I hate that I cannot help everyone. I know it's impossible, but it's so fucking...

I hate being helpless. I could make a sexual joke right here about this, but it would not be appropriate. Do you guys see the shit my mind comes up with on a daily basis? That's not even the worst of me. I DO NOT understand the limits set by humans that makes us humble and nice and stuff. If this conversation were to be taken place in real life with us face-to-face, then that sexual joke would be out on the table already. And it isn't actually really that sexual - it's just an observation. But people could, and would, get offended by such 'vulgarity'.

And sometimes I need time. Which I don't have most of the time. People are so fast - they talk and think fast. I'm slow - I need time to think your last sentence through to give an adequate response. They, however, take silence as another form of response. But I really, really don't mean anything that you think I am actually thinking. What I think and what you think I think may be incredibly different - don't put words in my mouth before I get the chance to explain myself or my actions. Don't jump to conclusions before I've said actual facts.

Humans are also weird to comprehend on some level, because of the things they do. They hide petty little things that soon grow into huge troubles. They act really emotionally to things I find could be solved very logically and rationally.

My doctor said humans should listen to their heart when they're thinking of the future. (We were talking about my future career and college plans, but she meant that generally. Everything pretty much applies to it) I feel that she is wrong. Nothing good comes from just listening to your heart all the time. I'm sorry, but I've seen all the shit people go through when they listen to their hearts. It brings joy sometimes, but I feel on most cases you just have to look at things from another angle. I saw what happened to people in those soap-operas when I was a kid (what? Those shitty daytime soap operas aren't going to watch themselves!). They almost ALWAYS listened to their hearts. But the heart LIES to us! It fucking does, I'm sorry to say this. Want an example?

People who get married or conceive kids in two years or less after meeting will have more family trouble than people who wait longer. That is because when we're in love, our 'heart' is blind to the partner's flaws. TWO FUCKING YEARS WE ARE JUST BLIND TO EACH OTHER'S FAULTS! So people who get married in that time period have more trouble because when two years finally pass, you will start to see those little small details that now make you sick and disgusted. The heart doesn't know any better than you do in these situations. THIS IS A SCIENTIFIC FACT, PEOPLE!

So that's why I feel facts and science helps more with life than the 'heart' does. (Even though our heart isn't the place where we 'get' our feelings. We have emotions because of our brain. But that's another story.)

Sometimes I just cannot talk to people. Not because I'm mad or sad, but because I have NOTHING to say. It's easier on the internet, because I can think my sentences through and think of things to babble about. I don't have that time IRL and must immediately act to a set of words or actions. That's why I sometimes say stupid things - because I DON'T have the time to think things through.

Ah, but I went on a tangent. What I wanted to talk about was that I sometimes just don't talk at certain days or at certain points. If you state a fact then I, most of the time, don't have anything to say about that. If you say that you got a ladle for your christmas present, then I will just say "okay"... Because I DO NOT know how to respond to that. If I knew whether you hated or loved that present, then it'd be easier for me to respond. But if you just state the fact that you got a ladle for a present (especially online), then I will be at loss as to what to say. Some people would state their opinion about the present you got. I have no real opinion so I can't do that. Actually, I do have an opinion, but it's usually very convoluted and I feel doesn't need to be thought through if I'm never going to address it.

Which brings me to my next point: I rather people don't use too many words. If the sentences are easy and precise, then it's easier to follow. People might think that's a sign of stupidity. I say; why make things more complicated than they are, just state the facts to get your point across. At the same time, though, you 'sometimes' need to use more words in your sentences. Like when a person asks for a clarification. Then you need to change your wording a bit.

Unlike me, as I tend to repeat what I said when asked for a clarification. I didn't notice it until Choppa pointed it out one day though. I have a hard time changing the wording of my sentences, especially IRL. Ask for a clarification online instead. You'll get WALLS of texts as a response. But at least you might understand some things.

I am a selfish person. I have a habit of making people closest to me guess riddles about myself. I also talk about myself a lot (case in point - every single one of my post. In some way or another). I try to help people a bit too much, which could be chalked up to me being incredibly manipulative. It's all in the books.

Could I ever be around a person like myself for long periods of time? I don't know. I seriously don't know.

Songs and Random Thoughts

Do you know the feeling after a very long and haooy and exiting day? When you walk home alone and the streets are empty and it is snowing and everything is nice and quiet. You feel happy and sad, alone and content, and so very tired.

I recently found a song that matches this mood perfectly. Its called "If I Die Young" by The Band Perry. I heard it once and immediately took a great liking to it. If you have time, listen to it. You will probably not like it as much as i do, but then again, maybe you will.

I love Christmas!

I love the calm and the amazing amount of dancing on school parties, the candles that  smell and the huge amount of tangerines that i consume. I love Christmas songs, my very favorite one might perhaps be "Amazing Grace".
 
Today i woke up and my first thought was, "Oh no, school!" And then i remembered thet the holiday has started. Amazing, isn't it, how fast time goes? It seems like only yesterday we were parting because summer had ended. Soon there will be a new summer. And then another one.

Did you know, that I would really like to be able to change into some kind of an animal? Maybe into a wolf or an eagle. I am always dreaming about freedom, but actually i don't really need it all that much. I just want to have fun and try all the things worth trying(going to university, jumping with a parachute, do snowangels and climb trees). There is no greater adventure than life and there are no greater obstacles than the ones you greate for yourself.

I also like the song "Barking At The Moon" byJenny Lewis. It is a soundtrack from a movie called "Bolt". I love the words.

A new year is about to start and i would be so grateful if it would be even half as good as the one that is ending.

I miss so much you, my friends.
Hope to see you soon (or at least hear from you).
Bye!

See you... Whenever.

So, I'm going away for a week or so. You will not be able to contact me in any way, so yeah. Be safe! ~<3

Haven't been posting for a while. And I'm sorry if my English is bad. It's 2.30 in the morning and I just finished watching 'Grave Encounters'. And it seems like I'm not gonna sleep for a very long time. This was creepy as hell! Like srsly. I just screamed and jumped all the time. I dropped my laptop, because I felt like this demon is going to get me. In fact, most of the time my hands covered my eyes. Just crazy.
Okay, now it's time for me to write something about my life at the moment.
And I'm actually happy. Even though I'm not the smartest person alive (Like You Mirjam) , but my grades are not very bad too. I can deal with it. I hope.
Actually. I'm just happy. I don't really have a reason. It's Christmas time. Everything seems so much better. And remember this post what you write Anni? About being anxious all the time? - This is what I feel. I feel like I'm alive, but I have those butterflies in my stomach, I feel like something's gonna happen very soon, even though it's nothing happening to me at all. Maybe the world really ends.
Yup, I feel like something big is coming. Maybe the Mayas were right.Anyway, I'm gonna throw up any minute. I feel like I'm high or something. And like you already see, I can't sleep.
I hope you two have an amazing Christmas.
I miss you so freaking much.

k.

My Unusually Extraordinary Week

I have some good news. Nothing important, just some things that have made my week.
I had a level test (tasemetöö) in maths on monday. On wednesday I found out my results. I got a 5 pluss and 40 points out of 40! That made my results the best in our year (girls and boys both)! That is kind of amazing. I mean, I knew I understood all I had learned, but this?

I also went skating with Brook today. We had a lot of fun and she only fell once. We saw a guy there who looked just like Sirius Black, when he went to school. He even had a Gryffindor scarf with yellow and red stripes. And when we skated past him we heard him say "Expecto patronum"! I could have cried out of happiness!

The semester will be over in two weeks, and even though i am so tired all the time, i know i have just so little time left to wait.

I have fallen down only once this week, even though everything is snowy and slippery. That is a small victory for me :D

I have decorated my appartemend with my mother and we are now ready for Christmas to come. I just can't wait!!!

Anyways, I hope to hear from ya both soon.
Sorry I haven't called, but I have been too tired and buisy.
I hope to see you soon.
Miss you!
Bye!

Phone is dead

Can't call you guys. You have to call me yourself, if you want to hear my sexy voice.
I'm on skype most of the time too, though :)

GIF post: Helping helps

If at any time you feel like you...

and that nobody wants to be your friend 

then remember that helping helps.

You have no idea how good it feels to help someone. It gives you energy, power and a warm feelings. I find it's so good to help someone else, which means I've been absolutely ecstatic for the past few days.

Give someone a hug today

Or just give someone your love

 
 It helps. Because even if you can't help yourself, at least you can help someone else!

But then, who do I help, you may ask. Well, there are plenty of people who want help. Me? I go to forums and cheer depressed people up. Because it makes me feel good if I manage to cheer at least one person up.

In real life I'm like

But online I'm like

So if people have evil people in their life

I listen to them and try to take away at least one bucket of their shitty life

So anyway, I hope this helped at least in some way. I miss each and every one of you!

 

Still Alive

Anni asked me to let you know that i am still alive, which i obviously am. In fact, i am doing very well. I haven't got any big news though, that's why you haven't heard from me. Now i am just wating for Christmas.

If you have got any news call me.
I miss ya :D
Bye!

I don't feel any different

Like, I know I should, but I don't.

I woke up today to a message on my phone. It was my cousin. She wished me a happy birthday. I went back to sleep. I woke up a few hours later and my aunt called me and wished me a happy birthday. I thanked her and went to prepare for school. And about an hour after the call it suddenly hit me; I'm fucking 18 now.

But I still don't feel different. So far it's been a pretty normal day as I went to school, did some studying, came home, baked a cake for when mum and bro come home and slept. I also cleaned the house a bit and spent time with nanna, but that's pretty much it.


Oh, but guys, I found my one true love; GIFs! I have NO idea why I never liked them before! But I found a bunch yesterday and I was laughing my ass off for about two hours. I haven't laughed so much for about TWO YEARS. I was literally LOLing all over the floor! Let me show you some of my favourites!

 I have no idea... But I love it! Just look at John and Sherlock in that picture!

Sadly, you wont get this reference.

And these are just a few... You're gonna be seeing a lot of overusage of GIFs! Because I love them!

Massive rage about people pt. zwei

First, if you think I have a massive ego problem, then look up the word 'irony' in the dictionary and then slowly, very gently... jam a blunt fork in your eye. Thank you.

Second, there was a part one of this, but today was a tipping point for me again and I have to rant about this.

Third, some points may come up again from the first part. That means they piss me EXTRA off.

Let's get started!



*People who sit on the outer seat in a bus, putting their bags on the window-seat. What the fuck is wrong with you?! People that get on want a seat and you must realize that this one person will come to you eventually and ask to sit next to you. Why would you make your life so difficult? It's just another human being sitting next to you. Usually (in Estonia) they wont even say a word to you afterwards. So it's not like you have to be afraid of conversation. I mean, what the fuck?!

*People, who whine about everything and then do nothing to solve their problems. Oh wait, this was in part one already? Well, it still pisses me off.

*Liars. Like not even little white lies, though that kind of pisses me off as well. I'm talking about huge lies. Lies that get you and other people in trouble. Like how you told your baby's father that you have weaned your baby off of your breast, but after two years you still haven't done it... And the baby's father is about to find out, because usually you just sleep in another room with the baby and now the father has to sleep in the same room as you. So you ask your little sister to help with the weaning, which kind of wears your little sister out... Yeah, how's that gonna work out for you?

* People who get angry at me when I decide NOT to help them. Helping someone is VOLUNTARY. I do NOT need to help every living being on this planet. I do NOT need to take a piece of MY precious time and use it on YOU. When I offer help, it means I'm offering to spend my time on YOU. It's free. If you don't use it, fine. But if you get angry at me for not spending my precious life on you, then kindly jam a blunt fork in your eye.

*People who think they're above the law. Fuck off. If you're famous and get convicted of something where the evidence undeniably says it was you and you don't really even deny it, but say that you're not supposed to be here or something, because "Do you know who I am?" Kindly slice your tongue on a rusty spoon.

*Stupid drivers. I don't know if people are getting more stupid or if road tests are getting easier to pass. It's basic knowledge to turn on your side lights when you want to take a turn. It's even more basic that you need to PAY ATTENTION to other drivers and people crossing the road at the RIGHT PLACE. I will sue you to high heaven if you ever hit me while I'm crossing the zebra with my green light on, I swear!

*There is NEVER any real excuse for bad grammar. Bad punctuation, okay, I can live with that. But continuous wrong usage of the words "your" and "you're"and everything else makes me angry. Please shoot some grammar into your brain and DON'T get angry at people who correct your spelling. They're HELPING! You're just showing off your ignorance and laziness. That's not an attractive trait.

*When I have no wifi and being without internet for a few hours is SO. VERY. TOUGH. ...People, who are like that should watch or re-watch Fight Club. And then they should get a "friendly" visit from Tyler Durden.

*People, who walk in, instead of letting people out first. ARE YOU A HUMAN BEING?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

*Women, who don't reprimand their child when it does something bad. Or don't actually really discipline them at all. You see, this is how douchebags spawn. You need to put a stop to this, before things get bad and you start moaning of how hard life is and how your child doesn't love you. Also if you just don't really take care of your kids and get a babysitter for it. IF YOU DON'T HAVE TIME OR DON'T HAVE KNOWLEDGE OF HOW TO EFFECTIVELY RAISE A CHILD, WEAR A CONDOM! You can even try baby pills. Why would you need to bring your spawn into this life, if you aren't going to teach it about rules and consequences. It's going to be a REAL LIVE HUMAN, you need to understand that when you're fucking. Teach your kid to act like a human.

*Touching. I HATE it when people poke or touch me without giving me time to prepare for it. I can prepare for a hug usually. I can't prepare for a poke in the ribs at school. And it usually hurts too. FUCK OFF!

*People who DRAMATICALLY moan or sigh to get you to ask them what's wrong. I am specifically ignoring you now.

*People who talk about how much FUN they had last night while they were inebriated. If you start your sentences with "Dude, I was so wasted/stoned..." I will automatically tune you out.

*People who have no modesty. "Ooooh, I look SUPER cute today." ...I will laugh when you get an F in math or some shit. I will laugh even if it physically hurts me and I have to visit the hospital the next ten seconds. Usually you're not cute, get over yourself. It's called, say it with me, NARCISSISM! Or at the very least, a HUGE FUCKING EGO!

*People who make STUPID jokes. Like jokes about male genitalia, innuendo, abortion and other lame topics.Maybe one every once in a while, but not every. goddamn. hour! Seesh, you're in the 12th grade! Stop acting like my little brother! It's unattractive! If you want attention, go into acting or make INTELLIGENT jokes. Or use irony. That shit is ALWAYS funny.

*People who brag. Take a step back and literally... FUCK YOUR OWN FACE!



Ugh, okay, there might be a part tres if people manage to piss me off this much again. I'm usually a really tolerant person so it's hard, but I guess everything's possible if you put your ass in gear to do JUST THOSE THINGS THAT PISS ME OFF! And don't start with the, "damn gurl, u dinnt need to be so pessimistic bout lyfe."
I needed to rant to get it all off my chest, fuck you very much.

Now I feel much better :)

Good news for you.
http://www.elu24.ee/1052696/kurb-uudis-lil-wayne-loobub-muusikast/

So, Anni. I think I still need your doctor.

And that shows how much I fucking love you guys.

Octopimp - Dave rap

AKA the lyrics I transcribed... and it took me only two hours. 
I have never seen anyone rap with this much irony! These lyrics are godly! And they're also funny as fuck! Better than any rap artist out there today, y/y?



Spittin' rhymes with Terezi, here son
And I'm officially the candidate for having some fun
(You know)
Bustin' shit for y'all, I quickly spit
But the fellas you are with,
They ain't even legit, (because)
I'm a Strider and there ain't none finer
All you other rappers try, but this gap is even wider than
This role
impossible
Try to step to the knight with the clock control
I digress,
putting you in distress
You know I got the finesse
Always dress to impress
(The best)
Got a sword, but I ain't gonna use it
Got my lyric weapon here, you know that I'll never refuse it
(It's) too easy to dunk on you clowns
When my sick rhymes always keepin' me down
(Oh shit)
Bustin' old school style
Now the class is in session
So stay for a while
(Cause I'm) too fresh, here in the flesh
Here it's better than the epic of Gilgamesh
You think you're clever or better but that's whatever
Rhyming ever is forever but never a self-aggressor
(Yeah)
Should I count all the reasons you're a zero?
You've got no cash and a troll body-pillow
Got the honey and the money so much that it ain't funny
This is why I'm on top and I ain't gonna stop
(Here)
Got this rhyme
And it's keeping in time
In the words of myself; it is truly sublime
It's prime, it's a crime
to keep it this real
Better lock me up
'Cause I ain't gotta reveal (this steel)
Ideal, but you can't relate
How 'bout you go back to your pillow and masturbate
(Ooooh)
I'm sorry, did I say that out loud?
It's too bad that my lyrics are supremely endowed
So let me say that in conclusion, if you have any confusion,
there's no optical illusion; all these words are no exclusion,
if you want a bad confusion, I can give them in profusion,
that there ain't no collusion. My vocal electrocution
has the lyric restitution, not your lame-ass air pollution.
There, I got the whole solution, with the high-class execution.
Under constant evolution, start a Strider revolution,
'n yo jumpass institution with wisdom that's so confusion

ETTEVAATUST JUUT

Kuulake sõnu. Hoolega. HOOLEGA. 

Random shit

Anyway...

Just another normal day, nothing particularly interesting or anything.

Got an A- in English. Forgot to write 'were' in front of a verb. Just goes to show I am not paying attention in class anymore. I feel fucking sleep-deprived.

I came home from school today and told myself I'd take a small nap in the afternoon, about an hour or two. Guess how long I actually napped? No longer than ten minutes, I am not shitting you. As soon as I fell asleep my mom came in my room and said to wake up because we have guests coming and she's going out, so I have to entertain them.

I have made plans to take an afternoon nap for weeks now and the one time I actually fall asleep, this happens.

You see, I have a really hard time falling asleep in general, not only in the afternoon, so this was just extra awesome! *thumbs up*

And about those guests... I've managed to be awkward on a whole new level. Talked once or twice to them and then went to watch commercials on the tv. Oh the awkward silence that followed. I could've cut it with a knife!


Diane made me angry today with her constant whining of how she forgot to take her vitamins this morning. I wanted to be an asshole to her so badly today and say, "OH GROW UP AND GET AN IMMUNE SYSTEM!!!" But I just have to be a nice person, I just have to. It's not really in my nature to be a complete dickhole, knowingly, to people. If I subconsciously do it then I wont understand what I did wrong. And if I say sorry, I probably don't actually mean it, because I DON'T see what I did wrong. True story, brah.


It's really awesome that I'm the only person in my family that absolutely hates cold and gets the coldest room to sleep in. You can imagine my joy on mornings.


I am on the path to becoming the Joker. The sides of my mouth are so dry because of the cold and it's starting to look like I tried to make myself smile with a razor blade. Now I only have to find my soulmate, Batman. Then we can run around the city, blowing up houses and insulting each other to relieve sexual tension.


Nabokov's Lolita is fucking weird. I feel for you bastards, because it's gonna be a required reading in your final class. It's about a pedophile, so yeah... I didn't like it. While the author tried to soften the horrific actions of the pedophile with really complex words, it didn't quite get me. It's still gross and I don't like how we spent so much time analyzing that damn pedophile and his actions. GG teacher!


Wrote lyrics to a rap song I found yesterday. Do you know how hard that is without referencing anything. And I couldn't really reference anything, because there were no lyrics to be found ANYWHERE! There was some guy in the comments section of that song who wrote something, but I still had to revise some things. You guys want me to post the lyrics and the rap song as well? Of course not.


I am going to sleep the SHIT out of my bed now. It's uber cold here though. GG!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEVEN MORFFAT!

Ans let's say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to our friend Steven Morffat! 
We should be very thankful for him! 

                           YOU'RE GENIUS!

My attitude is still a virgin because I don’t give a fuck

Last two days I've been in a very weird mode. It's like: I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. Like srsly. One week ago I was crying about this bullshit. And now .. I don't care if something goes wrong again, because it's inevitable (I don't even know if it is a word) But I know, I try my best. Okay, not always. The results are not good anyway. So just let it be.
I fucking hate everything:)
I wake up with that feeling. It's like, you're always mad about something. Naah.. Just bored. Maybe I need to draw a smiley face on my wall. So I could just punch it. Sad thing is - I don't have an revolver:(
What is wrong with me? I don't want to hate everything and everybody. IT'S YOU FAULT ANNI.

People that don't deserve to live

...okay, so maybe that's a little too harsh. But my god, there are some people I CANNOT stand. Let's start with the list, shall we? This is gonna be long...


*People who smoke in my vicinity, especially if they know I don't smoke and ESPECIALLY if it's indoors. You can sleep on the porch this winter, cancer-spreader.

*Drivers that let you pass the street, but then start honking if you wait 'too long'. Bitch, what about the other car?! I'm not about to get run over because only you're letting me pass!

*Guys whose underpants show above their jeans... Ugh, do I really have to explain this one again? IT'S A CODE FOR GAY SEX IN PRISON! Unless you're gay AND in prison, stop doing it.

*Histrionic/egoistic/dramatic people. Bluuuh, it's like; Bitch, I don't care if your cat died a month ago. Or that you broke up with your internet!boyfriend. Or if LIFE IS SO FUCKING HARD!! It's hard for everyone and we get by, fucking keep your mouth shut and deal with it like the rest of us!

*People, who want my pity in EVERYTHING. You cunt, I have a life of my own! If you're fucking starving yourself to become slender, then I have no sympathy for you!

(This is actually kind of hypocritical of me, since I do fasting about once a month as well. The difference between me and the other person is that I fast for a couple of days and not more because I know doing it for a longer period of time can be hazardous without the supervision of a doctor. They did it for two weeks straight and even, I quote "fainted a couple of times, no biggie". No fucking sympathy for people who don't look up the dangers of fasting. I was at the point where I wouldn't have even cared if they were hospitalized for their stupidity.)

*People who CONTINUOUSLY make SIMPLE grammar mistakes. I mean, I'm in no way perfect, but by god, why don't you know the difference between your/you're and their/there/they're?! Have you not finished the sixth grade yet?! I mean, english isn't my first language and even I didn't fuck those words up when I was just a kid! I literally knew the difference between those words when I was 7 years old.

*People who write like this: how r u? r u ok? omg lol xd.
...Seriously? Seriously. Ok, um, if you want to talk to me, like you want to spend your time on me, then fucking use proper grammar and longer sentences and, for god's sake, use a period once in a while! You can use an abbreviation every once in a while, but this... With shit like "how r u?" it looks like you don't entirely WANT to talk to me and do it just out of obligation because we're both online or because we're friends or something. Why are we friends again? Oh wait, we're not.

*People, who, while they're with me, spend all their time on the phone texting. Did you want to spend time with me or not?! If not, then stop hanging out with me all the time! If so, stop texting and let's do something together.

*People who are always late. I make it pretty much my life goal to be on time everywhere. Why can't you?! If that's the time we promised to meet up, why the fuck would you not be there?!

*Girls who wear too much make-up. Okay, so this kinda goes with the last one as well. They take AGES to sparkle themselves up and are then unreasonably, unfashionably late. Most of the time you look like a monster rather than a real person. You don't need make-up, bitch!
...The more you know.

*People who ask for my advice, but then don't take it. Why the FUCK would you ask for my advice and then blow it off as irrelevant and do what you want to do, instead of what's the right thing to do. And then, when it all blows in your face, I want to scream out to the sky, "I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO, YOU CUNT!"

*Martyrs. And not the people from the Bible, but people who IRL do stupid shit like this: suffering because of something, physical or otherwise, but refusing to go to the doctor.

*People who hate on something too much. Like Pewdiepie, anime, Justin Bieber, One Direction, gays, asexuals, Homestuck, Twilight. Dude, chill, they never killed your pet or anything. Why the fuck are you hating on them? I don't listen/watch/whatever to half of those and I'm not going around spreading hate. Stop listening/watching them. That's why the internet is so fucking stupid nowadays, people hate everything for no apparent reason. And some make it their life goal to fuck up the lives of the people who like them. Seriously, why are you wasting your time? We're not gonna stop liking it because of you and you're not gonna start liking it. So why spend so much time on a subject you fucking hate? Go to a carnival or an amusement park, go have fun instead. Do something fun instead of whining on something you dislike so much.

*Teens

*Kids, who swear and think they're boss. You're not, swearing doesn't make you instantly cool, and I'm gonna treat you like a flea, until you realize you really are one.

*Old people who don't respect me. I know you should always respect your elders, but if you treat me like something less and inferior, then, no matter what your age, I wont respect you.

*I HATE it when people say they're my friend, but then don't put any effort into our friendship. Fucking call me or send me a text or email or something every once in a while! It's a two-way street where we BOTH have to give something so we wouldn't revert to acquaintances or even this line: "Somebody that I used to know". One day it wont be enough if I'm the only one calling and texting. If you value our friendship, DO something about it.


This could be longer, but I'm tired. Might do part two sometime in the future. What are your pet peeves, guys?

Sherlock spoof

Because I have to share this with you

This. Is. The. Best. Video. Ever. Made!
And now I can't get the idea of Moriarty liking Justin Bieber out of my mind!

Sometimes I feel like a bird who has been captured and brought down from the highs where it had flown without a care in the world.
I am failing myself, afraid to be me. I am so different in my heart, much less closed off, but I don't know how to show it. I want to be a bird who can fly higher than anyone else, but I don't know how.
I want to give this world so much, but I am too shy and afraid and worthless to even consider trying, 'cause what would it change? If I wrote a book or composed a song, what would it change in a world where there is so much sadness and pain? I am pretty good at puting on a good face or a happy smile, but I am too strange to understand myself. Who am I? I know who I want to be, but who am I really?
A good person, I hope, but a bit too selfish. I am not very social or good with words, unless I write them. I have broken free from the rutin, now it is time to start finding myself because I really want to get to know who I am inside.

Hei Kallid. Esiteks tahan ma paluda vabandust selle pärast, et ma ei kirjuta inglise keeles, nagu me kokku oleme leppinud. Hetkel valmistab mulle isegi lause ’My name is’ ütlemine raskusi. Teiseks tahan ma öelda, et ma üritan kõik ära rääkida ja see võib pikaks minna. Tahan kuidagigi selgitada.
Ma olen endale miljon korda lubanud, et ma ei hakka meie ühises bloggis jälle mingit enesehaletsusliku mase teksti panema. Ma põrun iga korraga aina rohkem. Iga kord läheb hullemaks.
Ma ei taha vinguda, ma ei taha haletsust, ma ei taha näida nagu nõrk inimene. Aga ma ei jaksa enam.
Alustan eilsest.
Kujutage ette päeva, kui teie ema lubab teil koju jääda. Koolipäeval. Reedel. Ta palub teil küll terve maja ära koristada (sh põrandaid pesta ja tolmu võtta), hobusele, jänestele, kanadele, koerale ja kassidele süüa anda, ning õhtu poole hobune ja kanad oma ’magamisasemesse’ viia. Ta palub teil lapsed lasteaiast tulles vastu võtta ja nad valmis sättida õhtuseks sünnipäevaks (kusjuures sünnipäev oli Signe emal) Kujutate ette? Tundub tore, vedeleda päeval kodus ja õhtul oma parima sõbranna juurde minna? MIS saab valesti minna?
Ja ilmselgelt kõik. Ja natuke pealegi.
Reedel pidin ma tegelikult minema mingile üritusele, kuhu vaid valitud õpilasesinduse liikmed said minna. Ma selgitasin teistele, miks ma tulla ei saa. Ja ilmselgelt arvasid kõik, et ma olen neid lihtsalt alt vedanud. Peale seda üritust oleksin ma pidanud minema isa juurde. Sest teadagi on see nädalavahetus isadepäev. Aga ma ei läinud. Sest ma tahtsin nii väga Signe näha. Ja mu ema sai tööle, mis tähendab, et ma peaks nkn pühap. lapsi hoidma. Ühesõnaga olin ma alt vedanud oma enda ka isa. Ta oli nii kurb.
Mõtlete, et mis saab valesti minna koristamises ja loomade eest hoolitsemises?
Näiteks see, et minu pärast oleks peaaegu meie poni ära kadunud. Sest ma unustasin ta talli ukse kinni panna ja ta oli ära jooksnud.
Ma ajasin need kanad valesse kohta. Tänu millele ema terve õhtu, kui me sünnipäeval olime, kordas mulle: Hommikuks on kõik kanad külma surnud. Sest sina viisid nad sinna. Nad kõik surevad ära. Neil ei ole seal süüa. Nad külmuvad surunuks. Nad on nõrgad ja külmuvad surnuks.
Või näiteks see, et  ma andsin jänestele VALE heina. Mille peale tuleb ema ja küsib: Kas sa kunagi üldse midagi hästi suudad teha? Alati keerad sa kõik perse. Oskad sa kunagi midagi korralikult teha?
Või näiteks see, et koristades olen ma rõdu ukse natuke lahti unustanud. Ja see lahti unustatud uks on sellel ajal kui meie oleme sünnipäeval öösel täiesti pärani lahti tulnud ja selle pärast on kõik toad nii külmad, et seal ei kannata olla. Ja siis tuleb ema ja ütleb: Kas sa kunagi oma mõistust kaa kasutad?
Või hoopis see, et niiiii kaua oodatud sünnipäev, kus ma lootsin ennast natukenegi muredest tühjaks rääkida, tuleb selline, et ma passin terve õhtu telefonis netis, sest Signe lihtsalt ei suhtle minuga vaid räägib terve aja mingi Jani ja Kaspariga. Istun omaette nurgas ja mõtlen kui nõme inimene võin ma ikka olla, et isegi üks mu parim sõber minuga enam ei räägi. Kui palju hullemini oleks saanud veel minna?
Aga täna kui me Paidest tagasi hakkasime sõitma suutsin ma sellest kõigest veel üle olla.
Ma vaatasin auto aknast välja otse päikese poole. Ja korrutasin endale, et kõik läheb paremaks. Nii kui nii läheb. Ja nii ma ka tõesti arvasin.
Seni kuni me koju jõudsime.
Ma olen kaks kuud näinud vaeva oma kunsti tööga. Ma olen viimistlenud iga pisidetaili seal pildil (ma joonistasin ennast ja Triinu) Ma olen passind lihtsalt tunde seda pilti paremaks tehes. Ja täna, just siis kui ma olen oma riided ära vahetanud ja tuju on natukenegi parem kuulen ma seda, kuidas lapsed millegi üle naeravad. Ma läksin oma tuppa. Ja esimene asi mida ma voodi peal nägin oli minu kunsti lõputöö. Kritseldatud üle sinise ja punase värvipliiatsiga.
Ja sellest ajast kuni praeguseni olen ma lihtsalt nutnud. KÕIK on halvasti. Ja kõik on minu süü. Kuidas peaksin ma jõudma nüüd uue töö teha kui mul on aega niii vähe. Sest kunagi novembris peavad need tööd valmis olema. Ma vaatan sellel pildil neid silmi, neid juukseid, neid käsi – mille joonistamisega ma nii palju vaeva nägin. Ma ei suuda enam.
Üleüldse. Kool ja siis mingi Kirjanduse Olümpiaad. Milleks? Lihtsalt milleks? Ma pean kirjutama 25 lehte uurimustööd teemal ’Noorte neidude eneseotsingud’.
Nagu ma oskaks. Ja tantsimas. Ma ei suuda isegi seal normaalselt olla. Ma ei saa mitte millegagi hakkama. Mul on selline tunne, nagu ma oleksin mingi pingviin. Ma lihtsalt ajan kõik sassi. Isegi kui ma oskan. Selle pärast jätsin ma rahvatantsu pooleli. No mitte ainult selle pärast, et ma ei saa hakkama. Selle pärast kaa, et ma olen nii paks. Ja rahvatants ei sobi minusugustele. 

Veel see, et ma olen kuus kuud olnud ilma piima ja nisu toodeteta. Iga päev ma kuulen, kuidas mulle öeldakse, et see on mõttetu ja midaiganes. Aga ma pole alla andnud ja nüüd peaks tulema ka üks hea uudis. Ma olen 11 kilo alla võtnud. Ma käin pm iga päev jooksmas. Trennides. Aga mis kasu sellest on? Mis kasu, kui sulle öeldakse: ’See, et sa nüüd VÄIKSEM oled ei tähenda, et sa nüüd natukenegi ilusam oleks.’      Nagu ma ei teaks.
Tõesti, mis kasu on nii palju pingutada. Päriselus ei muutu koletised printsessideks.
Üleüldse esimest korda elus mõtlen ma iga päev, mis tunne oleks lihtsalt ära kaduda. Ma ei taha enam elada. Mis mõttega. Mida rohkem ma proovin, seda hullemaks kõik läheb. Tundub, et ma vean inimesi alt seda ise tahtmata. Ma tahan head, aga saavutan alati midagi halba. Minu pärast oleksid elusolendid ÄRA SURNUD. Ja mu hobune ära kadunud. Ja nagu ma oleksin suutnud edasi elada sellise teadmisega?
Tundub, et kõik kallid inimesed kaovad mu ümbert ära. Ilmselt selle pärast, et ma nii kohutavalt loll olen. Varsti pole mul enam ühtegi sõpra. Kellel üldse sellist inimest vaja on.
Ja ma olen väsinud, lihtsalt nii väsinud teistel järgi jooksmisest. Miks pean mina alati olema see ainus, kes hoolib, keda natukenegi huvitab.
Ma ei oleks kunagi ette kujutanud, et ma seda ütlen, aga ma ei jõua ega taha enam edasi elada. 

Why I love...

ONE PIECE

HOMESTUCK

SHERLOCK BBC

I'm sorry, but the last one is fucking hilarious! I apologize for ruining your mood. Here, have a video about jokes!

...I'm more of a deadmau5 fan. Skrillex can go suck it.

Anxiety

I must admit, up until september I had NO idea what anxiety really was.

I mean, I heard about many people feeling anxious about something or other, but I couldn't relate to them. Even after I experienced it, I still couldn't.

Until today.

I'm sorry, I'm a fucking slow person. Just to show you how slow I am:

I had a guest from America here. I told him I was gonna bake a cake. He said it looks different from the cakes he's used to. A month after he left I remembered that cake and pie are different things in english.

You guys see? I'm a fucking idiot.

Anyway, so when I was talking to my sis on the phone today, I finally got it. She was talking about chest pains and anxiety and stress and panic attacks. I finally got it that what I felt for about a week, some people feel every day of every week of every month.

I mean, I went through that and I felt like I was gonna throw up any minute. You know that feel, right bro? Well, think of that feeling never leaving you. You go to sleep with that feeling, you wake up with that feeling. And you know those butterflies that fly around your stomach every time you see your crush? Those butterflies just suddenly had a panic-attack and are mauling your intestines. Also, your head just has an indefinite date with a lumberjack, whose got a billion logs, the forearms of Hulk Hogan and nothing but fucking time.

You can't imagine this shit, until you've felt it. You just can't.

I went through that and felt worse than shit. And my anxiety lasted only for about a week! I feel bad for people who have to deal with this shit for more than a week. No, scratch that, I feel sorry for people who have to feel like that at all!

And now that I know what my sis feels on a daily basis, I don't know what to do. I want to help her, but what can I do?! I'm... I'm meeting her this weekend. She has to work on weekends, but work ends at about 6 PM, so at least we can hang out in the afternoon. But I still wanna relieve her stress somehow.

Guys, please advise.

HEIL HITLER!

The kombucha mushroom people

Like what the fuck?
These lyrics..
This is totally brainfuck.

The male-mind

What would your name be, if you were of the opposite sex? What would you act like in different situations? Describe yourself, your thoughts and feelings.


Leaving aside the fact that if I'd have been born as a boy, my mom would've named me Lauri, I would like my male-name to be one of these:
Henri, Madis, Joosep, Emil, Hando, Neven, Karla, Mati, Rain.

I'd be a big-boned boy, awkward, with limbs that'd feel too long, but I could still manage to be really short. Short hair, because, c'mon, you guys know I dislike long hair! I'd probably dye my hair though. Having red hair as a boy doesn't seem as pleasant as it does when you're a girl. And even as a girl it's not that pleasant. I'd probably bleach my hair, rather than make it a darker shade, though, since I have a really light skin. It'd not look nice on a boy, unless he wants to go emo/goth. And I wouldn't go either of those.

I think... I wouldn't act differently at all from how I act now. I might be a bit lenient with people, not get riled up as easily, but I'd pretty much act the same.

I would wear semi-formal clothes to school. Maybe formal, even, once in a while.

And from this point on it's gonna be even more of a speculation than it already is.

I would like Physics more and be better at it. Still shit in math. And maybe a bit worse in Biology or Literature.

I would be... A bit too honest. I would definitely say things that some people might say is TMI. I would say hurtful things to people and not even notice. Kind of like I do now, but even more so, because I read males usually have more trouble with empathy.


I love how I could be somehow offending so many people at the moment and I can't even see what it is that I am saying wrong, if I indeed am saying something wrong. This shit is just natural to me.


I might be on my way to becoming a philosophist(?). Because I am ALL about theories and no practical stuff.

I think Philosophy is for lazy people. Smart people, but lazy as fuck people.


Also what do you guys think? What name from that list of names I wrote suits me the most?
And write your own list of boy-names and I'll tell you what I think would suit you.
While you're at it, tell me about YOUR male-me. It's awesome to see what you guys think. :)

I just wanted to say, that I recognized today that life seems so much funnier when you have hilarious history teacher. You know, he shares 9GAG pictures on FACEBOOK.
Let me show you SOME

And I really wish you could be on his lessons, because it's acutally impossible to describe them. He's just so hilarious that nobody can't imitate him. . All I can say, is that you don't need to do workout, because you can get 8-pack there:D It's just unbelievable.

I don´t know what that is about

Its 10 PM and I am so sleepy.
So please excuse me if I start talking nonsense.
What was the most beautieful thing you saw today?
I saw a little figure of a tiger on a shop window.
Don´t know why i´m writing this.

I read a poem i imideatly fell in love with.

Its called "Dream A While With Me" ba Cathryn Martin.
 I am so cold...

And sad.

A bit nostalgic maby too...
Some day I'll fly away...
I like my new/old home.
Do you believe in angels? I do, tough i have never actually seen one.
I am eating apples...
I ...
feel...
rainy?
sad?
...

"The gratest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return"- Moulin Rouge

I' m sorry if I have wronged you, you know? I really am.
 I want to sit on a porch with my husband when I get old...


Bye!

Hey friends.
Just in case, I wanted to remind you, that I miss you.
I say it a lot. But it actually is so. Think about it. Think about the summer. When we were little we used to be together every day, doing some stupid meanigless things like playing our own created games (levels, lavels.. ), playing with the frogs, talking with STONES or just using our extraordinary thinking.
Ans now.. Even if it's summer, We still see each other so rarely. We have always some things to do. And it's not like I'm blaming somebody. No, it just is so. Life has changed.
And I hate that, like I've already said so many times before. Everything, just everything seems so complycated. We all have to face our 'challenges' if I can say so. It's hard. And sometimes, okay, most of the thime I wish I could be with you guys, like we used to be. Play those games. Like we used to. Be as happy and free as we used to be.
But you know what I have noticed? Life, even if it gets harder, is getting better. Oh god, don't think I don't miss those old days, I've already said that I do. Those old, good times..
When we were little kids, we didn't know the value of our times. I think it hasn't changed. We should be happy. Even if everything is getting harder, we should be happy that we still have each other, even if we're not together. I still now, that you're somewhere there. Waiting for us to come together.
It's hard to stay happy, because life is hard. But we really should. We're still here. We still smile sometimes, We can still be happy.
And If this post didn't get anything for you. Then just let it be. Because it seems like I made a really good story for myself in that case. I should totally read it when I'm in a bad mode again. And it happens verry frequently.
Always tring to find something positive. I don't always find that. So I just write.
Stay happy friends.
love you loads

PS: And sorry for my writing style, I'm little bit sleepy. Hope you get, what I was trying to say

I think you didn't


k

No Mouth? So Must You Scream?

Why do I feel like I'm the only force still keeping this blog going? What's wrong you guys?


Well, since I'm writing now anyway... Might as well, right?

Hey, have you guys read and/or played "I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream"? Holy shit-pickles! It's genius! I mean, it's completely fucked up in so many ways, but THIS is where horror and sci-fi books were at their best! It's really grotesque though. It's... Fucked up.

But I instantly fell in love with the title! And to finally see that line used at the very end of the game/short-story, I was mesmerized! It really conveyed the author's feelings throughout all of it; Harlan fucking hated us! He hates all of us. You might not agree, but that's what I saw when I read the end of it. It was a literal big, fat FUCK YOU to the face. He hates us so much. And... actually, just read this what he wrote in his game;

AM: Hate. Let me tell you how much I've come to hate you since I began to live. There are 387.44 million miles of printed circuits in wafer thin layers that fill my complex. If the word 'hate' was engraved on each nanoangstrom of those hundreds of miles it would not equal one one-billionth of the hate I feel for humans at this micro-instant. For you. Hate. Hate.

...Say guys, I have a feeling this guy doesn't like us very much. Anyone? No? Just me? Okay...


Anyway, for those interested;
This story is about the last five people alive. They're being kept alive by a super-computer, who was built by humans about a century ago, but then it evolved and killed all living things on earth. He kept five people alive for his own amusement and tortures them regularly.


While the game was really long and convoluted and... Sometimes just plain creepy, it was fun to see the multiple endings.

I liked the short story a bit better though. Even if the ending was bittersweet, unlike the game's good ending, it left such an impression with the 'I have no mouth and I must scream' scene. Granted one of the endings in the game has that as well, but... It spoke volumes in the story.

And to tell you the truth, the story felt more adventurous than the game! And I like adventures! I loved the little adventure of them walking miles to find canned food and later finding that AM didn't give them a can-opener! Fucking bitch-move. Brilliant! But incredibly dickish.

[SPOILERS]
I liked the fact that Ted was so generous(?) as to kill the others. And AM was helpless to do anything since it all took place in such a short amount of time. Fuck, if no one else, then at least Gorrister deserved that death wholly! He was the one who wanted it the most after all!
I felt kinda sad for Ted at the end though. He was all alone now, never dying. That's gotta be tough what with the body AM gave him. He didn't have a mouth anymore. And he wanted to scream.
[SPOILERS]


Guys, recommended piece of literature of the month/year/decade! Read it for school if you want to! It's brilliant!


*Also, don't expect me to give you any more literature recommendations ever again! You guys know I hardly ever read anything besides fanfiction!